“Rice or Pasta?” or the Importance of Human Connection
On one of my recent walks along Lakeshore, while I was enjoying the beautiful fall landscape and the warm afternoon sun, a car stopped suddenly ahead of me.
The passenger side window rolled down, and I expected someone to ask for directions. As I approached the car, I saw a beautiful young couple inside. The driver gave me a beaming smile while the young woman on the passenger side looked rather embarrassed and tried to prevent him from conversing with me — but he was determined.
“Rice or pasta?” he asked me. For a moment I thought I had not heard correctly. “Excuse me?” I responded. “Rice or pasta?” he repeated. “Pasta of course!” was my instinctive response. They both laughed, and the young man explained that they were on their way into town and couldn’t agree on a restaurant, so they needed someone to help with the decision. I laughed with them and wished them a lovely evening.
As I continued my walk, I realized how my mood had suddenly advanced from already pleasant to delightful. As an avid walker, I had often recognized how, besides the obvious benefits of outdoor exercise, one situation that always functioned as a mood booster was meeting someone on the street I recognized and exchanging greetings. Often taking the same route, I had gotten to know people in the neighbourhoods I passed through. Sometimes I would exchange a few words with a couple that used to sit on their porch in summer, or at the very least, we would wave at each other. Sometimes a total stranger passes by and gives me a big smile or wishes me a nice day. And each time that happens, it leaves me with a feeling of delight.
Why do these tiny episodes of interaction make such a difference in our lives? What is it in these brief contacts that makes them such uplifting experiences? The answer is simple: human connection is vital.
As humans, we are inherently social beings. Like all mammals, we, too, are deeply impacted by our social environments, and we are hardwired to connect. Love and belonging, the need to communicate with others, to be part of a group, are natural inclinations. At a time when loneliness has become a growing mental health concern and an increasing number of experts have labeled it an epidemic, we have a chance to recognize the importance of social interaction.
As a psychotherapist, I have become increasingly aware of how in recent years, as a society, we have become less sociable. We tend to avoid eye contact when people walk past us. When we use public transportation, we remain to ourselves, looking at the ground, listening to whatever we hear through our earphones. When we stand in line, we stare at our cell phone screens. These common scenarios used to be opportunities to connect with other human beings, start a chat with a stranger about mundane things — the weather, the traffic, the long line ups. None of these conversations are life changing, nor do they provide us with deep intellectual stimulation. In the rarest cases they lead to a repeat encounter. They do, however, provide us with an essential and crucial human need — the need for connection, the knowledge that we belong somewhere, that we can relate to others. Connecting with other humans grounds us emotionally. For a moment, we are not alone — we share a common experience, and we have an opportunity to be kind to someone for no apparent reason.
Think about it from another angle: have you ever felt annoyed when a total stranger treated you poorly on the street? Maybe they cut you off in traffic and then showed you the finger and cursed at you even though they were in the wrong. And then the feeling lingered with you throughout the day despite the fact that you will likely never encounter this person again? It is only natural that we react to other humans. It is normal that our interactions impact our emotions. The same applies to positive encounters.
When we are met with a smile and some friendly words, we feel good. Returning to that lovely young couple and their question of rice or pasta: briefly, our paths crossed, and they invited me into their world. I got a tiny glimpse into the lives of two people who had a romantic dinner ahead of them and a good sense of humour – given the fact that they did not hesitate to ask a total stranger a seemingly silly question. This tiny encounter made my day and left me happy with a big smile on my face ready to be shared with the next person on my way.
