Understanding the Faces of Grief: A Pathway to Healing

In life, one thing is certain: we all face loss and grief. These universal experiences, though deeply personal, have the potential to create feelings of deep sadness, anxiety, or even anger. It is not easy to make sense of these emotions or find a way to navigate through them.

Not only death

There are numerous scenarios in life where we may face grief and loss, each bringing unique challenges. Often, we think of loss and grief exclusively as related to death. And surely, the death of a loved one often leaves a void in our lives that can feel almost insurmountable. Yet there are many other types of loss that can occur in our lives and that do not involve death. Each can be followed by a period of grief. 

Occurrences like a divorce or separation can be a complex blend of relief, anger, and sadness. The loss of a relationship with a friend or relative, especially when unexpected, can leave us questioning our relationships in general and our sense of self. In some ways, it can be even more challenging than losing someone to death as we cannot blame an illness or an unforeseen sudden passing. The person we have lost and we might still be longing for, is alive and well, they just don’t want to play a role in our lives any longer.

Job loss and financial instability often bring with them feelings of helplessness and despair, while loss of health or fertility can create a deep sense of injustice and anger. Similarly, letting go of a cherished dream or goal can feel like losing a part of ourselves.

The Huffington Post recently published an article describing the grief that can be felt by immigrants who follow the sad news in their countries of origin. Even in cases where loved ones are safe for the moment, a mix of guilt and anxiety resulting from the uncertainty surrounding the events back home can be crippling.

Each of these instances of grief and loss can be profound, and it is normal to need help to work through these experiences. 

Death and culture

Cultural differences play a significant role in how we grieve. Some cultures promote the expression of grief, while others encourage emotional restraint. Some embrace communal mourning, while others prioritize private sorrow. Rituals have played important roles throughout times and places to help people cope and channel emotions.

Throughout the recent pandemic, many of us have experienced loss without an adequate way to process this experience. We might have lost a loved one in a different country without being able to see them one last time or not been able to attend a funeral. If we are from a culture where communal grieving rituals are an important part of processing we might feel the incompleteness of what we are going through.

Sometimes, friends’ or family’s well-meant advice to “finally get over it and move on”, can be an additional burden on our journey. Comments like “She would not have wanted you to suffer like this” or “He would have wanted you to let go and start anew” can make us wonder “what is wrong” with us that we seem stuck in a feeling that others expect us to have cast off by now.

Working through these complex emotions can help us become aware of the underlying restorative effects of our traditions and find ways to heal.

Types and symptoms of grief

Grief is not a one-size-fits-all experience. It comes in many forms:

Anticipatory grief, where we mourn a loss that has not happened yet, such as a loved one's terminal illness.

Abbreviated grief, a surprisingly brief yet intense experience of mourning, often followed by guilt for not grieving 'long enough.'

Delayed grief refers to emotions that are initially suppressed and then surface after time, while inhibited grief is when feelings are persistently restrained, leading to physical or psychological symptoms.

Cumulative grief occurs when multiple losses happen in quick succession, leaving little time for healing between.

Collective grief is experienced by a community, following a shared traumatic event like a natural disaster or a pandemic.

The symptoms of grief are diverse, encompassing emotional, physical, and behavioral changes. Emotional symptoms can range from shock and disbelief to profound sadness, guilt, anger, or fear. Physically, grief may manifest through fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight changes, aches, and pains. Behaviorally, you might notice changes in sleep patterns, appetite, social withdrawal, or neglecting responsibilities. 

Journey to healing

No matter the type of grief you experience and how you are experiencing it, it can be challenging and you might need support to guide you through your process.

Most important: there is no right or wrong when it comes to grieving, each of us experiences and processes these life events in a unique way.

Remember, grief is a normal response to loss. If you feel overwhelmed, empathetic expert support can empower you to understand your grief and make strides towards healing.