“When will I be ok?” or The Art of Patience in Psychotherapy
Two recent client experiences made me reflect on the aspect of patience in psychotherapy – and the need to explain why patience is a crucial component for both client and therapist. It is not uncommon for clients to expect advice or even step-by-step instructions on how to “fix their problems”. Frequently asked questions include “How long will this take?” or “I already know the root cause of this (citing childhood experience). Now, what do I do to fix this?”. While it is absolutely understandable that clients wish for a speedy resolution of their presenting issues, we must also realize that psychotherapy is not magic, but hard work. It only makes sense that issues that have built over decades will require more than two or three sessions to be resolved.
Understanding Psychotherapy
Before delving into the role of patience, it is essential to understand the nature of psychotherapy. Psychotherapy is a collaborative and confidential partnership between a client and a trained mental health professional. The primary objective is to provide a safe space for individuals to explore their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, with the goal of facilitating positive change and healing.
A fundamental aspect of psychotherapy is the therapeutic alliance (the client-therapist relationship), which is built on trust, empathy, and open communication. This relationship is the cornerstone of successful therapy, making the role of patience even more significant.
The Need for Patience
Patience can be challenging to cultivate, but it is absolutely vital in the context of psychotherapy.
Trust Takes Time: Building trust between client and therapist is the first and most crucial step in therapy. Trust forms the foundation for a safe and open environment where clients can freely discuss their concerns, fears, and vulnerabilities. Trust takes time to develop, and patience is needed as both parties work together to establish a secure bond.
Unearthing Deep-Seated Issues: Psychotherapy often involves delving into deeply rooted psychological and emotional issues. These issues may have developed over years, even decades, and it takes time to unearth and understand them fully. Patience is required to navigate through these complex layers of the human psyche.
Managing Resistance and Defenses: Clients may resist confronting their issues due to fear, shame, or denial. Patience is crucial for therapists to gently and persistently guide clients through these defenses, helping them acknowledge and address their concerns. Detecting them can take many sessions, resolving them is a whole different undertaking.
Personal Transformation is a Process: Personal growth and change do not happen overnight. They are gradual processes that require patience, as clients work towards implementing positive changes in their lives.
The Role of the Therapist
Patience is not only required on side of the client. The therapist equally plays a crucial role in maintaining patience throughout the therapeutic process.
Active Listening: Patience is demonstrated through active listening, as the therapist attentively hears and processes the client's words without rushing to provide solutions or insights. As a client, you might feel “nothing is happening” and get frustrated or confused at times. What your therapist is actually doing, is something that very few people in our lives do: they are taking time to really and deeply understand you, to not judge you, jump to conclusions, but to let your thoughts unfold as you speak.
Non-Judgmental Attitude: Your therapist also maintains a non-judgmental attitude, showing patience in suspending their personal biases and beliefs to create a safe and accepting space for you, the client.
Empathy and Understanding: Empathy is a cornerstone of therapy. Your therapist empathizes with your experiences and emotions, helping you feel understood and validated.
Allowing Self-Discovery: Rather than imposing answers or solutions, your therapist exercises patience by allowing you, the client, to discover insights and solutions within yourself. This empowerment is a crucial aspect of psychotherapy. Remember, you as a client are unique, no one shares your experiences, trauma, life situation, upbringing, etc. You are the expert when it comes to yourself as a person.
Benefits for clients and therapists
Emotional Safety: Patience creates a secure emotional space in which clients feel free to explore their feelings and thoughts without fear of judgment or criticism. This safety encourages openness and honesty.
Deeper Insights: Patience allows for deeper self-exploration. As clients take their time to delve into their emotions and experiences, they can gain profound insights that lead to personal growth.
Lasting Change: Rushed or superficial therapy can result in temporary improvements. Patience ensures that changes made during therapy are enduring and transformative, leading to long-term well-being.
Stronger Therapeutic Relationship: The patience exercised by therapists in building a trusting and empathetic relationship fosters a sense of connection, which is essential for effective therapy.
Conclusion
Patience is a fundamental virtue in psychotherapy, serving as the foundation that holds the therapeutic process together. It enables the trust, exploration, and healing required for clients to overcome their psychological and emotional challenges. In the hands of a patient and empathetic therapist, clients can embark on a journey of self-discovery, personal growth, and lasting change.
